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Liz [userpic]

wow.

November 8th, 2006 (02:28 am)

I haven't been this depressed since Monica died. Everything else that I'm looking at doesn't want history majors. Everyone wants science or math or special ed or spanish or chinese teachers. I won't be able to do anything next year. I can't believe that this is happening to me. What am I supposed to do? I have no skills in anything except for BS-ing and working for David and making myself feel horrible. I can't even apply for grad school because it is too late. Wow. I'm totally fucked for next year. How utterly depressing...and what a kick it will give to everyone else around me. Oh look! she failed!

Liz [userpic]

War!

August 14th, 2006 (06:37 pm)

I've been thinking about war today. When I was little, the closest war (though not chronologically) to me was World War II. I watched the WWII movies, I read the fiction. It consumed a society, our society, our world, the world. It was everywhere-in the grocery store, in the library, on the news, in the halls of government and education-taking many of our men and women and occupying our thoughts.

Now, our wars, in Iraq and Afghanistan, seem to take up a fraction of that space. The war between Israel and Lebanon, though we are not directly involved with the fight on the ground, is in some sense our war. As the most powerful nation on the planet, we are involved everywhere, we can affect everyone. And in all these cases, we are not as shattered as we were in WWII. What is different? In today's wars, we do not have a clear an enemy as Hitler. But war is still war. Why are we more apathetic to people dying today than we were 62 year ago? Where are our victory gardens? Our rationing (both in food and living items and in rational thinking)? In the intervening time period, yes, a lot has happened. But...I still feel like we are not taking any of these wars-and others-as seriously as perhaps we should.

Liz [userpic]

(no subject)

August 12th, 2006 (12:28 pm)

Why is no one around when I need to talk to them? I can't talk to the family about this.

I feel like I'm desperately trying to proclaim who I am without making sense, like I'm a stupid first-year or high schooler. "Hi, my name is Martha. I'm an intense Red Sox fan. Broccoli is the bane of my existence. You know, I'm not a fake person and I can't stand fake people. You know Sally? She is sooo fake. I can't stand her. Just be honest with yourself and others, that's all I ask."

I can feel myself beginning to think too much and I can't stop. I feel like I'm disgustingly, dispairingly trying to make someone love me. I don't like where this is going. This feeling of self-disgust, of introspection doesn't sit well with me. Maybe these actions of the past two weeks weren't a good idea. But I don't know how to take back all of it.

Liz [userpic]

(no subject)

April 8th, 2006 (12:39 pm)

I always plan to do too much.

Liz [userpic]

(no subject)

March 27th, 2006 (01:27 pm)

Becky-they gave us wine at the reception. now i am talking to people. eeeeep!

Liz [userpic]

Paris and London

March 26th, 2006 (04:56 pm)

I think that most of my updating will now be on my other blog and just the private stuff will be here. London was good, but very similar to the states. Paris seems to be the same, except more people speak French (jeepers, i would hope they would!). there are a lot of american imports, which in some sense is nice for me bacause it means that i need to think less about learning french, but in the sense that i do need to learn french it is bad.

i hate that people are able to identify me as american.

Liz [userpic]

The Joys of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

March 13th, 2006 (08:14 am)
distressed

current mood: scared and mad.
current song: Morning Edition

Last night Jaci and I watched a few episodes of Buffy-my first in several months. I had forgotten how great it is! Joss Whedon is amazing! The lines are perfect and hysterical. I plan to watch some more after I finish revising my bio papers, while I pack and clean my room.

On a totally different note, I am getting pretty scared to go to London. It was going to be one thing, if Gerry was going to be there, but he isn't so, I'm scared. Argh. I hate this feeling of scared suspension. Merfle.

Liz [userpic]

Oscar Extravaganza

March 6th, 2006 (12:36 am)

Tonight was Esther's Oscar's Gala. I love that she takes the Oscars so seriously and makes them so much fun. Go Esther. There is so much about her which is chipper and unique and not annoying and wonderful. Much of it involves curly hair and shoes and energy and Esther-ness. <3

There should be pictures shortly up in Facebook of the evening. Some lovely ones of JC and Charl and Kabs. I wish that I had taken some time to get some more glamour-y shots of people. And there was a very nice looking boy there, although I did not take a picture of him.

I had a long talk with Jc and Charl and have decided that by hook or by crook, I will move in with them next year. I need my own space for my own sanity and for the safety of the people in Vincent. There are a couple of people that, well, we are grand friends, but by the end of the quarter neither of us like each other very much. Having an apartment would definitely ease tensions there, I would save money on food, I would be able to work without distraction and more efficiently...Alll in all, it would be a very very good thing for me. I will keep working on Mom because I left Esther's tonight with a guarantee to move in with JC and Charl. :) That apartment will be very chill and drama-free. We have similar eating, spending, cleaning habits. We are not best friends, but know each other well enough to know that we can say whatever we need to the other...Just all 'round would be a good place. We talked about colors--blue for the living room and at least one yellow wall in the kitchen. We are excited for painting.

Liz [userpic]

A Quick List

February 16th, 2006 (01:16 am)
blank

current mood: headachy
current song: Norah Jones

Things that I must be reminded of:
-cookies for HARC
-research
-write paper
-catch up on readings
-read bio for friday
-game night fri
-dinner at jc, trev, and charl's sat
-date with jon wed.
-cso with alex thurs.
-sd brunch sun
-paper!
-show stephanie and parents around thurs.
-HPA tomorrow at 2.30
-pasta dinner tomorrow
-schedule my time (always)
-pics for alex
-work 8 hrs.
-robie house (visit and reseach)
-thank you cards

Liz [userpic]

Core Bio

February 15th, 2006 (07:55 pm)
sad

current mood: frustrated to the pt. of tears
current song: Modest Mouse

Why, oh, why do I care so much!? It is because I can't stand to think of my GPA going down even more from the 3.5506 that it is. Please, please, please let me get an A-. Only the quizzes are killing me. I can't do them. Studying for 4 hrs, taking the quiz in the presence of 2 bio majors, googling the answers, nothing helps! And this time I ran out of time! I had to finish the last 6 questions in a minute and didn't even get to read the final one, I just picked an answer! Why does she write the quizzes this way? Why can't there be straight forward questions instead of trick questions and a longer time limit? I study for these damn things which is more than most people in this stupid class do, and I am still getting unsatisfactory grades! It makes me so sad, because I actually LIKE the darn class and put time into it and nothing to show. I am going to talk to her about it...I have to. This is getting ridiculous. Please, please, please let me magically have done well on this last quiz. Please give me some partial credit and make up for my 17, 18, 19 scores.

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